Hello all! My name is Opal Mortimer, and I happen to own the Mortimer Manor in Starry Falls. It’s the only thing I managed to keep after divorcing my louse of an ex-husband. He did some prison time for taking advantage of the IRS and the only shared asset left, after the dust settled, was a tiny button of a mansion in a blip on the map known as Starry Falls. Of course, I did what any socialite of a certain age—84 to be exact—would do, I moved in. The staff keeps pressuring me to convert it into a B&B but where on earth would I put my couture collection if I did that? Heaven’s no. I need my breathing room. And I’ve already downsized to just one wing. Sometimes it feels as if the universe is asking too much from me.
In fact if it wasn’t for Bowie Binx I’d be near penniless. Bowie whizzed into town a few months back, and I hired her straight away to manage the Manor Café. Come to find out that girl has two quirks that I happen to approve of. Frist off, she can see the future. Of course she can’t control what she sees, but who the heck cares? She has a proverbial third eye. So what if she doesn’t know exactly what those visions might mean? That hasn’t stopped her from taking a wild stab at it. Sure it’s landed her in a pickle or two. And so what if those glimpses into tomorrow have done more harm than good? So far she hasn’t ended up dead or in prison. I think her track record is remarkable.
And the second quirk Bowie Binx holds is her ability to multiply a dollar. It was Bowie’s suggestion that we charge a simple fee at our weekly Stitch Witchery meetings—a crafts free-for-all I host weekly in the library of the manor. It’s a darling affair. I pull out my best china and have a virtual buffet of tea and coffee. A good time is had by all. But we’re not charging for the tea or coffee. You see, when Bowie first came into town she spotted me adding a touch of comfort to my tea. Bowie thought that perhaps the other ladies would like a touch of comfort in their tea as well. And I graciously shared my finest whiskey for a slight fee, of course. Let’s just say once the whiskey was flowing, the green got going—straight into my pocket.
Don’t feel too bad for Bowie. I make sure to line her pockets as well—to the tune of fifteen percent commission. Yes sir. I make sure that feisty little lady gets her cut. And since then she’s come up with at least a dozen other ways to expand our financial horizons. Bowie is a charmer. That’s probably why I’ve caught Shepherd Wexler sizing her up whenever she’s not looking. But that’s a story for another time.
It was nice chatting with you. It’s time to feed the cats. I happen to house a couple hundred of them right here on the grounds of the manor. And at exactly four o’clock I make my rounds all around town and leave kibble out for all the strays as well.
Oh who are we kidding? There’s not a single stray in Starry Falls. They all belong to me.
Ta ta!
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